StoryCorps and Intermountain Healthcare partner to share conversations of hope and healing.
Caring for aging parents with Alzheimer's was both tender and trying for LuAnn Lundquist and Jenny Jones. LuAnn remembers her father-in-law saying, "My grand-kids are out here in the forest, and it's snowing..." LuAnn replied, "I'll make camp-out beds, and I'll go find the kids." Her father-in-law was asleep in 30 seconds.
Today, the nonprofit Memory Matters organization supports those who are navigating the difficult path of Alzheimer's disease, dementia, and care-giving in Southern Utah and Southeastern Nevada. LuAnn founded Memory Matters, and Jenny serves as executive president of the board.
LuAnn Lundquist: About 17 years ago, my father-in-law had young onset Alzheimer's disease, and it was a life-changing experience for me. It goes to the core and rips you apart and remakes you when you go through that experience.
Jenny Jones: How does the (Memory Matters) organization make a difference in Southern Utah?
LuAnn: We have a really high senior population and just felt compelled to start Memory Matters. I think when people come in and talk to us and they're going through a really challenging episode of caregiving, some of the things that happen are so tender to their hearts that they don't talk to family members about it even.
When they come in and they talk to us, they have a face that they're talking to. When they come in the next time, they see the same face. They don't have to retell their story. They can keep those private moments private and still get the help they need.
Jenny: What is one challenge that you've been able to face, overcome, and move on from?
LuAnn: I think at some point in time, caregivers have to come to the reality that this is an awful disease, and at this point in time, you can't cure it. You can't get back who they were, and so you have to change your paradigm to: you are a professional caregiver of somebody that needs the care, in my case, rather than I'm the daughter-in-law of this wonderful man that used to be a boss of so many things. And now I'm having to be the boss of him, which was so uncomfortable.
But once I saw it as, "I am here to help him and do what is best for him and for our situation," then that changed everything. It made it okay to do some of the things that I had to do as a caregiver, such as what they call a therapeutic fib. He was living in our home, and my husband was away for work. It was evening, and my father-in-law—I call him Dad—Dad wouldn't go to bed. I said, "Dad, I can tell you're tired. Why don't you want to go to bed?" He looked at me, and he said, "LuAnn, my grandkids are out here in the forest, and it's snowing. I can't go to bed with a belly full and in this warm bed knowing that they're suffering."
The reality was his grandchildren were teenagers, and most of them lived in Phoenix, Arizona, but that was his reality at the time. My therapeutic fib was, I said, "Dad, why don't you lay down, and I'll make soup. I'll go in the basement and make camp-out beds, and I'll go find the kids. Would that make you feel better?" He said, "Yes," and I took his shoes off, and he was asleep in 30 seconds.
Jenny: Those experiences, they're hard, and they're beautifully sad memories. One of the experiences I had with my mom was her reality changed. All of a sudden my dad who had died several years before, she wanted to know where he was. She would say things like, "Have you seen your dad today?" We would smile and say, "No, I haven't seen him today" and leave it there. A lot of that, working with those people, is to take into consideration what they're feeling.
What advice would you give to somebody who is interacting with a dementia patient?
LuAnn: Be patient and loving. Bob your head in a positive direction a lot. And smile, lots of smiles, lots of smiles.
Jenny Jones: How does the (Memory Matters) organization make a difference in Southern Utah?
LuAnn: We have a really high senior population and just felt compelled to start Memory Matters. I think when people come in and talk to us and they're going through a really challenging episode of caregiving, some of the things that happen are so tender to their hearts that they don't talk to family members about it even.
When they come in and they talk to us, they have a face that they're talking to. When they come in the next time, they see the same face. They don't have to retell their story. They can keep those private moments private and still get the help they need.
Jenny: What is one challenge that you've been able to face, overcome, and move on from?
LuAnn: I think at some point in time, caregivers have to come to the reality that this is an awful disease, and at this point in time, you can't cure it. You can't get back who they were, and so you have to change your paradigm to: you are a professional caregiver of somebody that needs the care, in my case, rather than I'm the daughter-in-law of this wonderful man that used to be a boss of so many things. And now I'm having to be the boss of him, which was so uncomfortable.
But once I saw it as, "I am here to help him and do what is best for him and for our situation," then that changed everything. It made it okay to do some of the things that I had to do as a caregiver, such as what they call a therapeutic fib. He was living in our home, and my husband was away for work. It was evening, and my father-in-law—I call him Dad—Dad wouldn't go to bed. I said, "Dad, I can tell you're tired. Why don't you want to go to bed?" He looked at me, and he said, "LuAnn, my grandkids are out here in the forest, and it's snowing. I can't go to bed with a belly full and in this warm bed knowing that they're suffering."
The reality was his grandchildren were teenagers, and most of them lived in Phoenix, Arizona, but that was his reality at the time. My therapeutic fib was, I said, "Dad, why don't you lay down, and I'll make soup. I'll go in the basement and make camp-out beds, and I'll go find the kids. Would that make you feel better?" He said, "Yes," and I took his shoes off, and he was asleep in 30 seconds.
Jenny: Those experiences, they're hard, and they're beautifully sad memories. One of the experiences I had with my mom was her reality changed. All of a sudden my dad who had died several years before, she wanted to know where he was. She would say things like, "Have you seen your dad today?" We would smile and say, "No, I haven't seen him today" and leave it there. A lot of that, working with those people, is to take into consideration what they're feeling.
What advice would you give to somebody who is interacting with a dementia patient?
LuAnn: Be patient and loving. Bob your head in a positive direction a lot. And smile, lots of smiles, lots of smiles.