Too tired for sex? 8 tips to improve your sex life
By Patricia Davis, MS
Mar 14, 2018
Updated Oct 25, 2023
5 min read
Maintaining your sex life might seem like the last thing on your list of priorities. After all, kids, career, and your social life keep you busy. You’re not the only one. Less than 50% of women who’ve been married over 4 years say they want regular sex. If you’d rather roll over and go to sleep than be intimate with your partner, it might be time to start thinking about improving your sex life. These eight tips will help.
Research shows that couples who talk about sex together tend to have better sex. You don’t get what you don’t ask for. It can also be helpful to know if the things you’re doing in the bedroom are effective. Communicating with your partner about sex can help you both to more effectively state your needs and let each other know when you are (or aren’t) feeling ready for intimacy. Who knows, it might just improve your overall relationship as a couple.
Are you waiting until you hit the sheets to get your hands on each other? If so, you’re doing it wrong. Great sex begins with the small touches. Holding hands, kissing, or hugging throughout the day will put you both in the mood for when you get the chance to be intimate. So don’t wait to get a little handsy. It’ll strengthen your relationship and create an atmosphere of trust and love.
Still using the same moves you used in the early days of your relationship? It’s time to get creative. All of us (but especially women) get turned on by different things at different times, depending on our mood. So don’t use the old “fall back” when it comes to sex. The nice thing about intimacy is that there are numerous ways to spice things up. Massage, dirty talk, toys, and new locations or positions can help. Whatever you do, aim to keep things fresh.
Intimacy is not all roses, but talking about it like it is may improve your sexual satisfaction. A 2016 study found that couples who could joke about embarrassing sexual moments and emphasized praise during sex had higher sexual satisfaction. Keeping things positive in (and out) of the bedroom will help you both stay satisfied with your sex life.
Mental foreplay is the most effective type of foreplay. Talk and flirt regularly throughout the day, even if it’s just a short text or email. Being attentive and complimenting your spouse often sets the mood long before you reach the bedroom.
It’s a well-known fact that exercise produces endorphins that lift your mood. In addition to having many other health benefits, exercise might also increase your sex drive. When you exercise, the circulation in your body improves (including the blood flow to your genitals). With increased circulation your mood and sexual desire will improve. Lace up and hit the gym together for even more benefits before you get moving in the bedroom.
Sharing household chores can lead to more satisfying and more frequent sex. Research shows that creating fairness in the division of labor at home may spice things up in the bedroom. Let him cook a little more. Split up laundry and work together on household chores whenever possible.
If you can’t seem to get your partner interested in intimacy in the evenings, you might be trying the wrong time of day. Instead of your normal routine in the evenings, try adding sex into your morning or afternoon schedule. With men’s testosterone levels peaking in the morning and women’s ovulation hormones happening in the afternoons, you’ll be better served to have sex during those times when one (or both) of you is ready instead of in the evenings when both of you are exhausted.
Improving sex and intimacy in your relationship doesn’t have to be difficult. With a few small tweaks you can enhance your relationship together instead of falling asleep watching TV before you drift off to sleep.