Back-to-school anxiety: Warning signs and expert tips for parents

A new school year brings plenty of unknowns for children. Who will my teacher be? Will my friends be in my class? What if I get lost? What if I have too much homework?

Questions like these are common before a new school year, and in most cases, they're a normal response to change, says James E. Howell, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Intermountain Health.

“Back-to-school anxiety happens a lot, and it happens across all grade levels,” says Dr. Howell.

He adds that children starting elementary school may worry about leaving their parents. Middle and high school students may feel nervous about changing classes, fitting in or keeping up with schoolwork. Even college students can struggle with a new schedule, greater independence or living away from home.

Parents may experience back-to-school anxiety, too. Knowing what is normal, watching for warning signs of anxiety and giving children simple tools can make the transition easier for the whole family.

How long do normal back-to-school jitters last?

Mild nervousness during the first days or weeks of school usually isn’t a cause for concern. Your child may ask more questions than usual, need extra reassurance or complain of butterflies in their stomach.

“Brief difficulty adjusting to a new teacher, classroom, or school can be normal,” says Dr. Howell.

These worries often improve as the school and its routines become familiar.

What are the signs and symptoms of back-to-school anxiety?

While some nervousness is expected, back-to-school anxiety may require additional support when it becomes more intense, lasts several weeks into the school year or begins interfering with daily life. A child may struggle to attend class, complete schoolwork, spend time with friends or participate in activities they usually enjoy.

Back-to-school anxiety can affect both the mind and the body. Parents should pay attention if these mental, emotional or physical symptoms persist, become more intense or begin interfering with everyday life.

Mental and emotional warning signs may include:

• Constant worry or repeatedly asking "what if" questions
• Difficulty concentrating or seeming distracted
• Feeling unusually irritable, restless or on edge

Physical warning signs may include:

• Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
• Frequent headaches, stomachaches, nausea or dizziness without a clear medical cause
• A racing heart, muscle tension or trembling during stressful situations

How does back-to-school anxiety affect a child's behavior?

Children don't always say, "I'm scared." Instead, anxiety often shows up through their behavior.

A child may argue, bargain to stay home, refuse to get dressed, stay in the car at drop-off or call home repeatedly during the school day. These behaviors can be frustrating, especially during a rushed morning, but they may be a sign that your child is feeling overwhelmed rather than trying to be difficult.

Instead of reacting to the behavior alone, consider what your child may be trying to communicate. A refusal to leave the car, for example, may come from fear of walking into the building alone. Repeated calls home may reflect worry about being separated from a parent.

What should you say to a child with back-to-school anxiety?

Parents naturally want to reassure their children. Phrases such as “Don’t worry” or “You’ll be fine” often come from a caring place. But they may make children feel that their concerns are being dismissed.

Instead, acknowledge your child's feelings without reinforcing the fear.

Try saying:

• “I hear what you’re worried about.”
• “It makes sense that something new feels scary.”
• “I’m here to help you.”
• “You can feel nervous and still do hard things.”

Feeling heard can help children become more willing to talk about what's causing their anxiety. It can also keep them talking. Open conversations help parents understand specific worries and find practical ways to address them.

After listening, help your child separate the worry from the facts. If they fear getting lost, look at a map or walk the school together. If they are nervous about making friends, remind them how they have connected with other children in the past.

How can you help your child prepare for the first day of school?

Dr. Howell says reducing uncertainty is one of the best ways to ease back-to-school anxiety. Begin shifting bedtime and wake-up times toward the school schedule before classes start. Practice the morning routine, including breakfast, getting dressed and leaving the house.

If possible, visit the school. Walk through the entrance, find the classroom and show your child where drop-off will happen. Attending an open house or meeting the teacher can also help.

When an in-person visit is not available, look for a teacher photo, online biography, school video or map. Older students can practice walking their class schedule and locating their locker. Even looking at a teacher's photo or reading their online biography can help make the first day feel more familiar.

These simple steps help reduce uncertainty by giving children a clearer picture of what to expect before the first day of school.

What coping skills help children manage anxiety?

Children need strategies they can use even when a parent is not nearby. Dr. Howell recommends simple grounding and breathing exercises that can be done quietly at a desk or in the hallway.

One option is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. Ask your child to notice:

• Five things they can see
• Four things they can feel
• Three things they can hear
• Two things they can smell
• One thing they can taste

This exercise shifts attention away from anxious thoughts and back to the present moment. 

Box breathing is another useful tool. Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, breathe out for four and pause for four. Repeat the cycle a few times.

Practice these skills at home when your child is calm, so they feel familiar when anxiety shows up.

What should you do if your child refuses to go to school?

A first-day meltdown can test any parent. 

• Acknowledge what they’re feeling. You can say something like: “I understand that you’re worried.”
• Keep expectations clear and consistent. Avoid long debates or detailed questions in the middle of the meltdown. Children usually cannot problem-solve well when their anxiety is at its highest. Save the deeper conversation for later, when everyone is calmer.
• Keep drop-offs brief and predictable. A special handshake, high five, or short goodbye phrase can give children a sense of connection without stretching out the separation.

Dr. Howell says allowing a child to stay home may bring temporary relief, but it can also reinforce the idea that school is something to fear. The longer school avoidance continues, the harder the pattern can be to break.

When should you talk to your child's school about anxiety?

"Schools are willing to help," says Dr. Howell.

Reach out to your child’s teacher, counselor or school mental health team when you notice repeated school refusal, frequent tardiness, bullying concerns, ongoing calls home or trouble getting from the car to the classroom.

“Schools are willing to help,” says Dr. Howell. “Counselors have a lot of experience and creative ways to connect with kids.”

School staff may create a personal drop-off plan, connect the child with a trusted adult or give them a small morning job. A child who is asked to carry a note, help with supplies or complete another simple task has a clear reason to enter the building and join the class.

When does back-to-school anxiety require professional help?

Most children adjust to a new school year with time, preparation and support. But if your child's anxiety continues beyond the first few weeks, becomes more intense or starts interfering with school, friendships or daily life, it's time to seek additional support.

If you're concerned about your child's back-to-school anxiety, schedule an appointment with an Intermountain Health pediatrician. They can evaluate your child's symptoms, answer your questions and connect your family with behavioral health specialists when needed.

Disclaimer: This information is intended for general educational purposes only and should not be considered medical or mental health advice. If you have concerns about your child's anxiety or emotional well-being, please consult your pediatrician or a licensed mental health provider.