How to manage holiday stress and family expectations without burning out

The holidays can be a time of connection, joy, and celebration. But let’s be honest, they can also bring pressure, overcommitment, and complicated family dynamics.

Whether you’re juggling multiple gatherings, navigating grief, or feeling stretched thin by other people’s expectations, it’s easy to hit a breaking point. Psychologist Claire McDonough, PsyD, says she sees it every year.

“The most common holiday-related stressors clients report relates to planning holiday festivities, shopping for gifts, managing spending, feeling isolated, and navigating challenging family dynamics.”

If any of that resonates, know that a few small shifts in how you approach the holidays, especially when it comes to boundaries and expectations, can make a meaningful difference.

Re-center your holidays around what matters most to you

One of the biggest stress traps during the holidays? Doing everything for everyone else without checking in on what matters to you.

Dr. McDonough encourages people to slow down and name their priorities. Ask: What do I care most about this season? What am I doing out of obligation, and what am I doing because it brings me joy or meaning?

“If spending quality time with family is your biggest priority, but you find yourself spending the majority of the gathering making sure all of the food is coming out on time and the table is set just so, then you are not getting to experience the parts of the gathering that were really important to you,” she explains.

Once you know what you value, let it guide your decisions. That might mean:

• Simplifying your hosting plans
• Asking others to help or share the load
• Letting go of traditions that no longer feel right

Don’t let family pressure define your holiday experience

It’s natural to want things to go well, especially with family. But unrealistic expectations (your own or someone else’s) can quickly lead to guilt, conflict, or overwhelm.

If you're worried about how things might go, Dr. McDonough suggests a mental health strategy called “de-catastrophizing.” That means taking a step back and challenging your worst-case assumptions.

“Think about all the other potential outcomes, and then what is the most realistic outcome based on what we know,” she says. “Thinking about how you could deal with it if it happens can be empowering and reduce the degree of threat that outcome represents.”

Set respectful boundaries with family and stick to them

From financial limits to emotional bandwidth, every person has a threshold. And during the holidays, it’s easy to overextend – especially if you feel responsible for keeping others happy.

“It is not your responsibility to manage other people’s emotions; it is theirs,” Dr. McDonough says.

She recommends using DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) skills to set boundaries clearly and kindly. This includes:

Describing the situation prompting the boundary setting.

“I host Christmas dinner every year.”

Expressing your feelings about the situation.

“I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that goes into hosting, and I can become irritable.”

Asserting your boundary.

“I would appreciate if you could help with hosting, either by having dinner at your house every other year, or by coming to my house to help with cleaning and food preparation”

Reinforcing why it would be beneficial for them to respect this boundary.

“I will feel less stressed and will probably be more enjoyable to be around.” 

These conversations can feel uncomfortable – especially if they challenge long-standing family roles or traditions. But they also create more space for you to show up fully, without resentment or burnout.

Make time for quiet, rest, and real connection

If your schedule is packed with back-to-back events, it’s easy to feel like you’re always “on.” But small moments of quiet can be just as important as big celebrations.

Dr. McDonough encourages people to proactively schedule rest.

“If having some quiet or solo time is something that will help you recharge, then schedule opportunities for that in and treat it as you would an appointment,” she says.

And if you’re grieving or going through a hard season, she says it’s okay to skip the big events. Try lower-pressure ways to connect:

• Invite one person over for a walk, lunch, or movie
• Volunteer or donate in memory of someone you’ve lost
• Start a new, simple ritual that reflects where you are this year

“Give yourself permission to meet yourself where you are,” she says. “Even small interactions can offer comfort.”

Watch for signs that stress is doing harm

A little stress can be motivating. But if it starts interfering with your health, relationships, or ability to function, that’s a red flag.

“If you are noticing the stress of planning festivities, gift shopping, hosting, etc. is starting to impact your functioning in other areas – like your sleep, work performance, relationships, or physical health – then that stress is no longer constructive and is becoming destructive.”

Listen to your body and mind. If you're feeling constantly exhausted, irritable, disconnected, or anxious, it’s worth pausing and possibly reaching out for support.

Protect your peace this holiday season

At Intermountain Health, we believe emotional well-being is part of whole health. That includes helping people manage the stress, grief, and expectations that often show up during the holidays.

Whether you're trying to protect your peace, reclaim your time, or get support for what you’re feeling, our behavioral health experts are here to help.

Visit Intermountain's Behavioral Health page for more information.

Not sure where to start? Call the Behavioral Health Services Navigation line at 833-442-2211