Wellness and Prevention

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Emotional Wellbeing

Empowering young minds with emotional resilience for a brighter tomorrow.

Emotional health

Emotional health is the ability to express feelings, adjust to emotional challenges, tolerate frustration, cope with life stressors, and enjoy life. It includes knowing our strengths and what we can get better at, persisting after failures and setbacks, developing flexibility and resilience, living and working on our own, and letting others help us along the way. With some tools, tips, and practice, you can feel confident to talk about emotional health with your child.

Understanding emotional health

Learn more about your child's emotional health.

Tweens may not fully have the words to identify the feelings they are experiencing. Kids often talk or share their emotions through clues, often given through actions/behaviors or physical symptoms.

  • A child who is frustrated with a school assignment may avoid their work or talk about how they are not smart
  • A child who is nervous about something, may have a stomach ache before facing what worries them
  • A child who is anxious about an upcoming event may talk a lot about the event, to the point you think they are really excited about it

If you see your tween experiencing an emotion, use the opportunity to help them name and accept their feeling. Be patient and have a feelings card handy to help them pinpoint the emotion. Remember they might be feeling more than one emotion, that’s perfectly normal.

You may be tempted to provide the answer to what they are feeling. Allow the child to help define their own feelings. Your role is to offer suggestions if they get stuck. When a child shares their uninterrupted story of how they feel and why, skills are reinforced for future use.

Feelings come and go and vary in intensity. Some feelings are welcome, while others may feel unwelcome. Accepting feelings when they are present can be uncomfortable for tweens and adults. Helping your tween understand that all feelings are valuable and have a role, will allow them to accept emotions as natural. Accepting that all feelings have purpose is the first step to managing their effect. You may be tempted to rush a child through uncomfortable emotions. But allowing them to sit with the feeling will better prepare them for the next time the feeling occurs.

Validation means acknowledging another person’s experience without judgement. This is important for tweens because they are developing their own ideas and testing social norms about emotional expression. Sending a message that feelings are welcome and important, will encourage deeper conversation. Validating your tween’s experience doesn’t have to mean you agree with their perception; simply being understood can open later doors toward re-framing and re-defining their conclusions.

Some tips and tools to identify, accept, and validate what a child is experiencing include:

  • Just like the airlines recommend, take care of your needs first - pactice the steps of identify, accept, and validate your own feelings
  • Expand your emotional vocabulary and encourage your tween to do the same
  • Role model how to verbalize your current emotional state and how you plan to handle it. Use the phrase “I feel __(emotion)__ because __(situation)_, so I will/need __(action)_.”
  • Listen
    • Don’t try to fix or change the feelings you are hearing
    • Help acknowledge why the feeling might be happening based on circumstances - use the phrase “No wonder you’re feeling _____”, to normalize the feeling
  • Share your own experiences about how you have handled similar emotions or circumstances
    • Asking permission can help; “I remember when I experienced something similar at your age. Any interest in how I responded?”
  • Practice meditation or taking slow, deep breaths when feelings arise
  • Help your child make a plan in advance for how to handle intense feelings - identify healthy ways to manage the feeling, such as breathing, physical activity, talking, or an enjoyable activity)
  • Allow & encourage appropriate emotional risks for your tween, such as trying out for a team, sharing feelings when they disagree with something, or speaking up about something they find important
  • Have frequent conversations about feelings

Social health

Social health is having healthy relationships with friends, family, and the community, and having an interest in or concern for others. Your tween will naturally begin pulling away from family while peers become more important. However, they are still learning how to interact with others and your example, support and encouragement can teach them healthy ways to build relationships. Allow your teen to practice their maturing social skills, then provide gentle encouragement on what went well and how they might improve. Having a good framework of how to have healthy relationships with peers and adults can set them up for lifelong success.

Talk to them about how to interact positively with others to make meaningful connections. Encourage them to talk to someone new, be open, practice listening, and to be themselves. Acknowledge things may be awkward at first but will get better with practice. Middle school is a time to explore and friendships often change. Remind them every kid feels nervous. Establishing clear routines and rituals for various times of day like mornings and after school provides structure.

Understanding social health

Learn more about your child's social health.

Family Involvement

Making time for family time is key in helping tweens build social health. Family engagement will and should look different for every family. Family time needs to be able to work for your family, but there are things that you can build in.

  • Time for conversation
  • Watch TV or movies together and spend online time with your tween
  • Learn about and have them try to teach you their hobbies
  • Unplug as a family and do something together

Set clear boundaries with your tween and follow through with those expectations. While it is never fun to “be the bad guy,” your tween will appreciate it. Involve your tween (when appropriate) in setting family rules and consequences.

Healthy Relationships

Adults can help tweens build relationship skills by role modeling and talking about what a healthy relationship looks like. Healthy relationships take work, but helping a tween learn what makes good relationships is a lifelong lesson.

It is important to remember that while adults have years of experience navigating relationships (platonic or romantic), this is new territory for tweens. Talk about your own relationship experiences & outcomes; share both successes and failures to help your tween appreciate how tricky relationships can be. Ensure that you highlight how you handled when a relationship ends.

Healthy relationships share certain characteristics that teens should be taught to expect, including:

  • Mutual respect
  • Trust
  • Honesty
  • Compromise
  • Individuality
  • Good Communication
  • Anger Control
  • Fighting fair
  • Problem solving
  • Understanding
  • Self-confidence
  • Being a role model

Unhealthy relationships are marked by characteristics such as disrespect and control. It is important for youth to be able to recognize signs of unhealthy relationships before they escalate. Help your tween practice how to have hard conversations by role playing at home.

Think about your own social interactions during a day. It takes a lot of skill to navigate with family, co-workers, and strangers. These skills are often referred to as “social skills”. They are the tools a person needs to be able to communicate, learn, get their needs met in healthy ways, make friends, keep themselves safe, and ultimately develop healthy relationships. Tweens need reminders as they have new life experiences which social skills to use or build upon. Allow failure & coach them on how to resolve issues by focusing on their independent skills. Building these skills will take time and practice; however, you can be a role model and guide for your tween.

Encourage face-to-face communication and contact for your tween. This will help your tween develop skills to “read” people, build confidence in social situations, and help provide connection between peers and others.Some tips for face-to-face communication include:

  • Listen actively
  • Give time to the person you are with
  • Practice appropriate eye contact when engaging with others
  • Practice politely interrupting and disagreeing with others

Skills are commonly built when a tween has opportunities to engage with groups of kids through sports or hobbies they enjoy. Encourage tweens to become involved in arts, music, sports, or other hobbies to practice engaging with other tweens.

One way to blend emotional and social health is to share feelings with others. Try using I statements such as: “I feel __(emotion)__ when you _(_specific action)__ because __(effect)__”.

At times, getting a conversation started with a tween at times can seem impossible. Here are some tips on how to get a conversation started.

  • Keep it informal
  • Think about the timing - explore options such as meal time, car time, or bedtime
  • If you don’t get much, try a different question or topic
  • Be comfortable with silence

If you are struggling to get more than a one-word response from your tween, try some of these questions or any other open-ended question.

  • How was today on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific. What made it that way?
  • What was the high point and low point of your day?
  • Tell me the good news and the bad news about your day.
  • What is a thought or feeling you had today?
  • What was something you learned today?
  • What happened today that you did not expect?
  • What is a new experience you had this week?
  • What is something you have done recently that you are proud of?
  • How have you helped someone recently?
  • How has someone helped you recently?
  • What are you looking forward to these days?
  • What do you like most about school?
  • What do you like least about school?
  • If your tween seems preoccupied; ”I’m wondering what you are thinking about. Would you be willing to talk to me about it?”

It can be frustrating when your tween won’t communicate. Be patient and keep trying. Research shows that even though middle school is a time when tweens begin to pull away, they still want and need your attention and approval. Being open, empathetic, and non-judgmental will most likely lead to a better outcome. Look over this chart and see if changing the way you talk to your tween elicits a different response.

Try saying/doing this:

  • Tell me...
  • Describe...
  • What was that like?
  • How could/would you do it differently in the future?
  • Using humor (when appropriate)
  • Reminding that failure is ok
  • Name and ask about feelings "Are you feeling scared?"
  • What are your questions?

Avoid saying/doing this:

  • Stop crying or being upset
  • Why did you...?
  • What's wrong with you?
  • Don't you ever listen?
  • I told you this would happen!
  • Don't negate their experiences or replace their experience with your own "when that happened to me, I sucked it up."
  • Avoid putting your feelings on your kid "I bet you'll be mad if you fail this test."

Parents: put your phones away. Give your children your undivided attention. Establish family rules for phone, social media and internet use for you and your family and keep them. Your example will help set the tone for use in your home. Schedule electronic free time daily for games and reading and connection outside and inside your home.

Many parents have concerns about what their tweens are doing online. The internet is a vast place with a full range of content, everything from the positive and educational to dark and troublesome. Being aware of what your tween is doing online can allow for discussion and skills building.

Remember that not all time online is equal. If your tween is spending most of their online time on things like schoolwork, educational websites, and building healthy social connections, you may not need to be strict on time limits. However, if most of their time is on time-wasters, degrading content, or sites that lead them to feel bad about themselves, consider installing time limits on these types of activities or redirecting to more positive content.

Tweens and teens still need help mastering self-regulation. This can be especially difficult on social media, which is designed to be captivating. Monitor your tweens social media accounts and talk about the interactions that happen. Encourage a balance across all the things they do in a day, including online activities.

For lessons, guides and templates to use to set limits and encourage responsible social media use visit:

Physical health

Physical health is essential for a child's mental wellbeing as it directly impacts their mood, cognitive function, and emotional resilience. Adequate sleep allows their brains to rest and consolidate memories, supporting emotional regulation and concentration. Regular exercise releases endorphins that boost mood and reduce stress, while also promoting physical fitness. Furthermore, a balanced diet rich in essential nutrients supports brain development and function, influencing their ability to manage emotions and think clearly. As a parent, prioritizing your child's physical health through sufficient sleep, regular exercise, and nutritious meals not only fosters their physical growth but also lays a strong foundation for their overall mental and emotional wellbeing, enabling them to thrive in various aspects of life.

Understanding physical health

Learn more about your child's physical health.

A well-balanced diet provides essential nutrients that support brain function, mood regulation, and overall mental wellbeing. Following the US Department of Health and Human Services guidelines, children and adolescents are encouraged to consume a variety of nutrient dense foods, limit the intake of added sugars, saturated fats, and sodium, and aim for appropriate portion sizes to support optimal physical and mental development.

Physical Activity plays a crucial role in maintaining good mental health. Regular exercise has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, children and adolescents aged 6-17 should aim for at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity daily. This should include a combination of aerobic activities and muscle strengthening activities to promote physical and mental wellbeing.

Quality sleep is essential for maintaining good emotional health and overall well-being. Sleep plays a crucial role in cognitive function, mood stability, and stress management. The US Department of Health and Human Services recommends that children aged 6-12 years should aim for 9-12 hours of sleep per night, while adolescents aged 13-18 years should strive for 8-10 hours of sleep each night. Establishing a consistent bedtime routine, creating a sleep-conducive environment, and limiting screen time before bed can help children and youth get the rest they need.

The US Department of Health and Human Services advises children to avoid alcohol completely and refrain from using tobacco products, vaping, and other substances. Use of these substances can have detrimental effects on brain development, cognitive function, and emotional regulation which can increase the risk of mental health disorders and addiction. Have a conversation with your kids about the risks associated with substance use and help them find healthier coping mechanisms.

Spiritual health

Spiritual health refers to a sense of purpose, connection, and meaning in life that goes beyond material or physical needs. For children, this aspect of wellbeing is crucial as it helps them develop a deeper understanding of themselves, their values, and their place in the world. Spiritual health complements mental wellbeing by offering children a way to cope with stress, anxiety, or difficult emotions.

As a parent, nurturing your child's spiritual health can involve encouraging activities that resonate with their values, fostering open conversations about beliefs and emotions, and providing opportunities for reflection and connection with nature, community, or their own inner thoughts. By supporting their spiritual growth alongside their mental and emotional development, you help them cultivate a well-rounded sense of wellbeing that can positively impact their overall happiness and resilience.

Additional resources:

Anxiety and stress

When we have stressful experiences it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions, including exhaustion, uncertainty, or even joy or relief when it is almost over. Talk with your child about their feelings (generally and specifically) and about things impacting them with school, friends, family, social groups & other areas of their life. Anxiety and anger are natural emotions that signal us to pay attention to adapt and protect ourselves. However, if they become overwhelming, it can be problematic. Here are some techniques to use to manage stress and anxiety. These are great for kids, tweens, and adults.

Managing anxiety and stress

Learn more about your child's anxiety and stress.

Use our feelings wheel as a visual to help you. When you notice anxiety creeping up, being able to say “That’s my anxiety” can help you move toward managing the feeling.

There are many techniques to try. Help your child find the one that works best for them. This could include breathing, meditation, describing something near them in detail, counting all the green things in the room, or alternating tapping on their shoulders or legs. A great “grounding” activity is to pause and name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you smell, 2 things you touch, and 1 thing you taste.

Encourage your child to think of a few things that are going well in the day when they are feeling stressed. This can help keep things in perspective.

Expressing gratitude is a powerful way to counteract anxiety. It can also help us feel closer to others. Encourage your child to say thank you, write a list, or send a note of gratitude to someone.

Physical activity is a great way to “flush out” unwanted emotions and helps relax you. It can be a run or bike ride around the block, jumping jacks, shooting hoops, or anything else that’s easy to do in the moment. Encourage your child to find something physical they enjoy and can do when they feel stress or anxiety.

It’s been a year of distancing from others. Having strong social connections is important for all people, but especially tweens and teens. Support your child in getting together with friends. Encourage them to call or video-call family members. Allow them to participate in group sports or activities if it’s medically safe to do so.

There are many apps that can help promote mental wellbeing. A few good ones to consider include Calm, HeadSpace, and CredibleMind.

If you have helped your child try all these tips and their anxiety seems to be persistent or it’s interfering with their everyday life, it might be time to ask for help. Your child’s pediatrician is a great place to start. Or call your insurance provider to ask for a referral to a mental health therapist.

When bad or hard things happen

As a parent, you hope to always be able to shield your child from the bad that can happen. Unfortunately, bad things can and do happen. We sometimes call those bad or hard things trauma when they overwhelm our ability to manage life effectively afterwards. A trauma is any event that is deeply upsetting, scary, or harmful. Some children will be more impacted by these types of big events than others. After a trauma, the emotional effects can last for a few days or weeks or for a long time. It can be hard to move on because trauma affects a child’s sense of safety, trust and ability to make sense of the world around them.

There may be signs that your child may be struggling, such as: intense fear, unwanted thoughts or images, negative feelings, avoidance of reminders, problems with attention or sleep, easily angered or “on edge”, not doing things they usually like to do.

There are things you can do as a parent to help your child process what has happened and move forward.

Managing hard situations

Learn how to manage tough situations.

Your child has probably asked many questions throughout the pandemic. As things return to a more normal state, they will probably have more questions, such as “Am I safe?” “Why are things changing?” or “Can I hug my friends.” These are all normal thoughts for a tween. Answer questions in an age-appropriate manner, based on the information you have. You may not always have the answers, but you can show love and support for your child. It’s OK to tell them you don’t have all the answers and look for them together. Be brief, but honest.

Let your child guide the conversations, but there may be times when gentle probing is good. If you notice signs they are stressed, worried, or upset, ask open-ended questions. Help them identify their feelings and talk about ways to manage them. Oftentimes, listening and being there is enough. Create opportunities to check in with your child on a regular basis.

After a stressful year, make sure you are incorporating fun into the daily schedule. Go to the park, bake a cake, try a new hobby, learn a TikTok dance. Let your child choose and take their lead.

This can be challenging when you are also feeling the effects of a tough year. Try to slow down, use kind words, compliment strengths and effort, and be patient with mistakes. Model healthy expression of emotion by sharing your feelings and take care of yourself. There are many ways to show love; it can be physical like a hug, verbal like a compliment, or an act like making your child’s favorite meal.

This can be news media which is often “doom and gloom” or social media which portrays an unrealistic view of the world. Talk to your tween about what they see, how it makes them feel, and evaluate it critically together.

If you or your child is really struggling and the symptoms are getting in the way of daily living, it is time for professional help. Your school counselor or child’s doctor are both good places to start to ask for referrals.

Resources

Learn more about external resources to help your child.