Allison Flannery, RN, recently helped a family say goodbye to a loved one and celebrate her life as it ended. The patient, Mary Ann Meiling, RN, was a former nurse who retired from Intermountain after 40 years. When she arrived at Intermountain Medical Center’s emergency department after an unexpected injury, she was unresponsive and intubated.
When it was determined Mary Ann wouldn’t recover, Flannery helped bring her family together to share stories and help them find peace with her passing. Her family included a few caregivers who were grateful for Allison’s skill and compassion.
After making some calls to get everyone together in Mary Ann’s room, Allison Flannery walked the family through a beautiful process of honoring Mary Ann. “I’ve done this a handful of times for my patients and it’s been incredibly meaningful,” she says.
When it was time to begin, Mary Ann was extubated and given some medication to be comfortable. The palliative care team is often called in at this stage, but with Allison Flannery’s work both in the ED and the shock trauma ICU in the past, she’s learned how to walk a family through the process.
Allison Neese, RN, a nurse at LDS Hospital and a relative of Mary Ann, was in the room and says the experience is something that would make Mary Ann proud.
“First, Mary Ann was treated with respect and kindness as though she was alert and oriented,” she says. “Even though some of us knew what was going on since we work in the medical field, everything was explained to us, so no fear or anxiety came into the room.”
Allison Flannery began by turning off the monitor in front of the family. “I told them I was going to turn off the monitor so they wouldn’t be overly focused on vital signs and waiting for Mary Ann to pass,” she says. “I positioned myself intentionally so I could continue to watch a different monitor. To me, when a patient is dying like this, the vital signs are secondary. I think families appreciate the moment to honor their loved one instead.”
Next, she went around the room asking the family to share stories about Mary Ann. She says she could tell through body language who wanted to speak and encouraged them—and by the time they were finished she’d learned many wonderful things about Mary Ann.
“Her husband told me how they met, and others chimed in and shared memories,” she says. “I feel like I really got to know her and the beautiful person she was. They told me she’d have tea parties with her grandkids and encourage them to dress up in fancy costumes with dresses and wigs. Most of their stories focused on the things she did for others, like her grandkids and neighbor kids. ... It was great.
“Out of the corner of my eye I noted the time when she passed, but I just let the stories continue for a few minutes until there was a lull in the conversation. Then I let everyone know. I said, ‘As you can see it’s been peaceful for her.’”
Allison Neese says, “Even though the situation wasn’t joyful, I’m so grateful that Mary Ann was cared for in such a compassionate way. My mom commented at her funeral that the compassion and service came around full circle for her.”
“The death of a person you love is awful, whether they’re young or old, whether it’s expected or not,” says Allison Flannery. “As I’ve thought about this, I try to make things easier on families.
“My feeling is those of us in healthcare who see death more often have a responsibility to guide others through the process. I try to do anything I possibly can to help patients and families. I try to explain how things happen, what they can expect, and what they’re seeing. I know the things that would make it easier for me, and I can pass that along.”
She says gathering a family together like this works best when a patient dies relatively quickly. If it takes more than an hour, hospice and palliative care will be called to step in.
Allison Neese adds, “These efforts created a peaceful passing for our family. Incredibly, we left in a better emotional state then when we came in. I also love that Allison Flannery expressed her gratitude for being able to get to know Mary Ann through us. She showed the love and compassion what a nurse always should have. She’s a great example to everyone.”